Listicles

I love lists. I really do. What's not to love? They're ordered, easy, and clear. I love lists so much I even added a 'Lists Glorious Lists' tag to this blog, which sits at the bottom of 27 posts. So, I was amused to read that, apparently, I have been the author of 'listicles', a growing trend among allegedly lazy bloggers and journalists. Some people, it turns out, really hate them. Of course this makes me want to stamp my feet and yell to the rooftops that I was writing listicles long before they became a 'thing'. Much like the 'selfie', which Tane and I have been taking for years before Kim Kardashian did the duckface. 

Instead, though, I decided to write a list of 3 reasons why I will continue to blog using lists:

• Lists are cool. Says me. They are also great because they impose order on the world. 
• I only learnt the word 'listicle' last week, so surely that means I haven't been writing them? 
• Because I want to.

So there. I hope that the listicle haters out there are quivering in their boots at this small act of defiance. 

Things travel and stay-home parenthood have in common

Travel and parenthood tend to be placed on opposite ends of some sort of fun/responsibility spectrum, where one end is how you spend the footloose and fancy free part of your life before the grown-up and responsible phase kicks in. Travel is supposed to be the thing you get out of your system, before you start caring about interest rates and decile rankings. The closest I have gotten to real travel recently is looking at other people's pictures on Facebook.

I have been thinking today, though, about how there is a lot that stay-home parenthood and travelling actually have in common.  Perhaps I have too much time on my hands as a stay home mum, and perhaps I am grasping at straws in a deluded fashion, but here are ten things they have in common:

1. Sleep deprivation.  Jet lag wakes you at odd hours, and we had many an early morning to catch a bus, plane or train. So, it's just like now with a toddler.and a newborn!

2. Sleeping in odd uncomfortable places. An airport floor while waiting for an early flight. A toddler's bed when they can't sleep on a stormy night. The discomfort of an Indian slat bed. The discomfort of the aforementioned toddler deciding my pillow is just the place for his feet when the storm does lull him to sleep. Exactly the same!

3. Being hassled. When travelling, I was often hassled to buy a person's wares, or to give them money, or to ride in their taxi/auto rickshaw/tuk tuk. Now I'm hassled to put on Peppa Pig and provide a never ending supply of Tiny Teddies.

Things our baby likes

Time rolls on, Our tastes change. Once upon a time I didn't like avocado or pumpkin. Once upon a time my favourite comic was Roy of the Rovers.

When you're under a year old, your tastes change a lot quicker. This is a snapshot of what Amotai is into in his ninth month in the world . It's also an excuse to put up some of my favourite recent photos.

Wheels

If it rolls or spins, Amotai is a big fan.

 Rings

Or, to be precise, the classic Rock-a-Stack toy - thanks heaps, Emma!

Books

Sometimes when he's upset, nothing soothes him but a cuddle and a read of one of his favourite books: Brown Bear, Each Peach Pear Plum, One Mole Digging a Hole, Toddle Waddle and some of the That's Not My... series.

 Sleeping on his tummy

Not long ago he always slept on his back. Now it's always on his front. Lord knows how he manages to stay asleep in some of the positions he gets into.

 Exploring

Now he can crawl quickly and pull himself up, he is master of his domain. We say 'no' a lot now, when he goes for the laptop power cord, the phone, books and some other things. We're yet to see much of a deterrent effect.

 Other little people

He's a sociable little boy, which is really nice. Unless you're the kid whose hair he pulls.

 New things

In this case, the beach at Makara and the stones on it. Which, of course, he tried to taste.

 Mum

Especially when she comes home from work. Speaking from experience, after a long day at the office that grin is the greatest thing in the world.

 Dad

He's alright, the old man. He's particularly funny when he crawls after me trying to put my nappies on.

10 ways you know you're getting older

Tane and I were looking through photos earlier from when we had only been together about a year.  There were a few things that strike me about this photo: you can't see grey hair on either of us, we look much younger, and I don't think I've seen my Edmond's Cook Book since. When Amotai looks at this photo in years to come, I imagine he'll think his parents look like totally different people than the ones he knows. I also hope he doesn't look too much in the background, because he will see the rude shaped cookies our then flatmates baked.

This is one of many things recently that has made me feel that I am getting older. Wiser, of course, and happy with my age, but still older. These are others:

1. Feeling a little miffed when kids in uniform don't give up their seats on the bus. What an old fogey! I'd like to think in my day it was different, but it wasn't. I just didn't care.

2. Seeing clothes in Glassons that look exactly like the outfit I wore to the Form 2 disco. Have I really been through an entire fashion cycle in my life?

3. Playing board games with friends regularly, while having trouble remembering the last time I played drinking games.

4. Hanging out with friends and everyone comparing their sports injuries, physios and chiropractors. Being very aware of how I could injure myself whenever I do hard exercise.

5. Listening to the National Radio on the walk to work, rather than ZM. Feeling like I have read every Cosmopolitan and Cleo before.

Winter ...

Ah, winter. Yes, it's that time of year when I try and remind myself what I like about it in order to be more positive about the short days and cold nights. Since living in London, New Zealand winters always seem all the worse as I am constantly aware that, on the other side of the World, the days are long and friends are having a summer of European jaunts. So, here is my not-quite-annual-but-something-I-do-every-few-years list of things to be positive about this winter:

1. At least I can fit my nice coats this year. Last year, due to an ever-growing Amotai, I grew out of all my coats some time in May and spent the rest of winter wearing a $30 black monstrosity from the Warehouse. As soon as I shrunk again, I wanted to burn the coat.

2. Soup! Bread! Melted butter! Yum.

3. Dressing Amotai in cute wool sweaters, many which come courtesy of a fabulous knitting Great Aunt. I also like to dress him in woolly hats, but that is less fun now it is apparently funny to throw them on the ground from one's pram. Almost as funny as grabbing at glasses, it seems.

4. Lovely crisp days. We had one of these today in Wellington, and they are made all the more special by just how grateful I feel about seeing sun.

5. Living in a house with a heat pump. I've never had one before and it's awesome.

Does anyone have anything else to add?

(Yes, I know that I did 15 things last time I did such a list, and that some of them are the same, but it HAS been 5 years so figure it's OK ... )

Stay-at-home fatherhood

One of the best features of New Zealand's parental leave laws is that the year of unpaid, job-protected leave can be split between both parents. Lauren finished up her stint in April and it's my seventh week of being a stay-at-home dad.

I've got a fine role model for this - my father's held the home front and looked after a succession of kids for decades, while mum went to work. It was a rare man who took on that role back in the 80s and it's still unusual now. Though things are slowly changing, even in liberal Wellington there are few stay-at-home dads. For example, when I take Amotai to a baby-focused activity (e.g. sing-a-long at the local library) there's about one man for every ten women. I've not seen another man at the Plunket talks I've been to.

E-readers: aye or nay?

I have had a mental block against e-readers pretty much ever since I found out they exist. My reasons are as follows:

• I love the feel of a book.
• I am worried that if I have an e-reader loaded with 1000 books, my attention span will reduce, meaning that I will vacillate between books rather than commit myself to reading one at a time.
• I like having a house filled with books. I also enjoy having little piles of books around the house; my 'to read' pile, my 'to return to the library' pile.
• You can't borrow books other people have downloaded, or lend other people books that you have downloaded. I enjoy lending other people books, and enjoy borrowing books even more. My sister has a Kindle and recently downloaded a book I want to read. That doesn't help me read it, so I am instead (im)patiently waiting for it to be free at the library.
• I am worried about what e-readers will do to the book industry. I love a good bookshop and there are some excellent ones in Wellington - specifically Marsden Books and Unity Books.
• I like the idea of Amotai seeing me reading books. Not looking at yet another screen.
• I have heard that some conversions from paperback to e-reader have been riddled with mistakes, and in some cases, altered Tolstoy.

Amotai enjoys the classics

BUT, I can see some plus sides to having them. Namely:

• They are easy to carry around. No more having to carry an extra bag to work to allow me to take a tome with me for lunchtime perusal.
• I could download every single Agatha Christie. Awesome.
• You can theoretically read books like Fifty Shades of Grey on the bus and no-one would know that you were reading something rude. Or you could read Salman Rushdie in Iran.  Or enjoy the new Lee Child while in the company of pretentious literati. It would be your little secret, much like listening to the Britney Megamix on your i-pod.
• It is much cheaper than new books.
• I do have far too many books. My sister's boyfriend just returned 7 (!) to me that I had totally forgotten having had lent him. Books are a pain to move.  Even with my current attempts to buy fewer books I still end up going to enough book fairs or being impatient with waiting for library books I still probably end up averaging a new one a month.
• Amotai won't rip an e-reader.
• The NZ book industry is pretty dire anyway, and sometimes I wonder if the Whitcoulls chain as a bookseller does not deserve to be saved. Their business model is terrible, and the owners seem to think that having 50 of one book in a pile is better than having 2 copies of 25 different books. The shops have minimal variety, and don't seem to stock books at all until they have hit a certain level of popularity. I tried to buy the Hunger Games there last July, the staff had never heard of it. Now there are about 100 copies in store, but it's too late - I got it from the Book Depository months before it was stocked.

So, I am still undecided, but think I will hold off getting one for the meantime. To be honest, I've never really been an earlier adapter to any new technology, so am in no hurry to fix something that's not broken. I am interested in your views though ...

World-class tourism in your own backyard

A little while ago Lauren and I read this travel article. In it the author of the very popular book '1000 Places to See Before You Die' narrows her list down to just 10. On the list is Fiordland. Now, when someone who's done as much travel as Patricia Schultz has ranks somewhere in your country in the top 10, that's a pretty damn fine recommendation.

After reading this Lauren and I felt a bit sheepish. She's never been to Fiordland and I've only spent a few days (walking the wonderful Kepler Track and heading to Milford Sound, but not going out on the water) back during the epic South Island road trip of 2000 with Miikka, Ulf and Erin. So we decided that our first nuclear family holiday would be a trip to Queenstown and Te Anau.

Things I have enjoyed about pregnancy

As many of you know, I am now over 38 weeks pregnant, so well and truly in that stage of pregnancy where I may be having a baby anytime. Being so close to the end, I have been reflecting on what I've enjoyed about pregnancy, and what I haven't. This is what I’ve enjoyed:

The scans. Given that we haven't had any bad news in any of ours (and I appreciate that if we had I would feel quite differently about them), the scans have been a thoroughly moving experience. The 12 week scan was especially special as baby moved his arms and legs, resulting in Tane and I looking at each other as if to say "there really is a baby in there!" It was cool.

The random cravings. These have been quite funny at times, and I have rediscovered food that I hadn't really eaten in years - cheese, fruit by the tin, and hot chips. Mmmmmm. Given I'm a person that tends to stick to my favourite foods when selecting what to eat, it's been quite fun having cravings for foods that take me in all sorts of directions. Of note, the entire avocado I ate on toast in one sitting, and the short-lived Big Mac phase.

Feeling baby kick. This is something I still enjoy, even now when he's been kicking for months and sometimes leave me feeling a little winded.

Speculation. What will he look like? Whose eyes will he have? Will he have much hair? The speculation about what he'll be like has been great fun.

It's interesting and exciting. It really is, going through so many changes in such a short space of time. I don't just mean physical changes either, but emotional changes that Tane and I have gone through to get ready for baby - things like moving to the ‘burbs, starting to notice what brand of pram other people have (whereas before they were all prams to me), and having discussions about swaddling. Pregnancy has opened an entire new world of things to think and talk about, and I am very, very excited about having a baby.

Getting excellent advice from other women. While there is a flip side to this (see below), I have enjoyed much of the excellent advice that many other women have given me about pregnancy and baby. I have also learnt a lot about other women's experiences, and found out new things from my Mum about my own birth and her pregnancies with me.

Things I have not enjoyed about pregnancy

Getting bad or disempowering advice from other women. This is the flip side of my last point, the bad or disempowering advice that some women give.
Being told you might miscarry if you walk on your feet in a certain way, or anecdotal theories plucked from the back streets of the Internet.
Being told about labour by some women in an unhelpful way. Some ladies are great with advice, and I hope to put their advice into practice. Some women, though, seem to just like telling gory stories and watching me squirm. Being told by some women about how bad it will all get, just wait, I'll see. I don't doubt that labour will be hard and agree that 38 weeks is harder on the body than 28 weeks, but when tired and sore at 28 weeks it is not helpful being told that it will get much, much worse. Especially when it didn't get much, much worse (touch wood thus far), just more waddling and less energy.

Worry about things going wrong. This is one aspect of pregnancy I haven't enjoyed, that little nagging voice in the back of your mind about what could go wrong. I understand though that this is a part of parenting as well, so may never be free of this one!

Being judged by others about food/drink/health. This isn't true for all people, but there are times when I can feel the judgement coming my way from someone who disagrees with food or drink I am consuming. And, sometimes the person judging may be in the right (ie Big Mac phase mentioned above), but that makes it more annoying, not less!

Feeling soooo tired some days. I really have had an easy pregnancy so can't really complain, but some days I feel like I have just run 15km although all I have actually done is walked to the shops. The only times in my life I'd ever felt like that before was when I had actually run 15km.

Gendered clothes. Earlier in pregnancy I got very frustrated at baby clothes being so clearly divided into boys' and girls' sections. Not only does it make no sense and have no basis in nature, but the pink/blue divide appears to be one giant marketing ploy. This rant aside I have become more wearily accepting that this is the reality of the children's clothing market, but I still don't like it.

The baby industry. Shops like the Baby Factory and Baby City have a lot going for them, and I have spent a great deal of time (and money) in them over the past months. At risk of sounding overly cynical, though, it seems that there really is a baby industry centred around making mums-to-be feel that they are somehow failing their unborn children by not buying certain things, or buying cheaper versions or things like cots. Because of this, it is impossible to know how much you actually need something. Navigating the baby industry really was one area where I really did appreciate the advice of other women who have had kids themselves.

10 great things about York

On the weekend, Tane and I joined Patti and Stephen for a fabulous trip to York. York is the loveliest place I have seen in England so far, so lovely even it inspired me to write a list of 10 awesome things about it. Here goes:

1. Yorkminster Cathedral. This church is amazing, adjectives to describe it would only sound cheesier than a cheesecake covered in cheese sauce.2. A poignant plaque. Tucked away in a corner of the Minster there is a plaque that I would have ignored had the words "New Zealand" not caught my eye. The plaque was for the members of the York regiment killed fighting the Maori in the NZ Wars, many of them at Rangiriri. Next time I am driving past Rangiriri and see the Cemetery I hope I remember to think about York and just how far from home those men are buried.
3. York's old town. We ate in a pub built in the early 1600s still called its original name, "Ye Olde Starre". Cool. This isn't a great photo but gives you an idea of what much of central York is like. Places like York also make you realise just how much London lost in 1666.

4. A small shop in a Tudor house selling hard boiled lollies. Mmmm.

5. The most fabulous dolls house shop I have ever seen. It sold everything from doll churches to miniature roasts, and almost made me want to take up a new hobby. Or, at least, buy a miniature lemon meringue pie.6. Fairfax House, the best preserved Georgian house in England. It should come with a warning though: "visiting may make your current house feel woefully inadequate and cheaply furnished".

7. The old wall. It goes around most of the old city, and is great to walk on. Tane especially enjoyed yelling "you will never capture my castle!" to cars passing below. We also discovered that people back in Ye Olde times were a lot shorter than now. If Stephen and Tane hadn't ducked they would have been concussed coming down the stairs as we exited.

8. Random place names.9. Winning a free t-shirt. Tane wears his in the photo below while I wear a facial expression that clearly shows that by then I had eaten too many of the lollies described in #4.

10. Being out of London. I loved our trip so much now I am eagerly awaiting a summer of travel and seeing more of Old Blighty. Yay!

Top five moments of 2008

2008 has been a great year. I have seen interesting things, read great books, and gotten to know my corner of London well. Deciding on my top five moments of 2008 (as at today, of course!) wasn't easy, as in many ways it was the day to day moments like eating my lunch in St James's Park every week day over the summer months that made this year such a good one. But, this is my best attempt of my top five moments of 2008:

1. Hearing the call to prayer while riding camels at the Pyramids, May 2008.

2. Realising in the last 500 metres of my Half Marathon that while I hurt, I had finally done one, October 2008
3. Showing Ngaire around London, 13 July 2008
4. Cycling around the Arran Islands, Ireland, 25 July 2008
5 = Arriving in Luxembourg City, 1 February 2008. I was just really excited to be there as had wanted to go to Luxembourg ever since I was about 12.

5 = The trail run in the Lake District, 16 April 2008. Running down hills through in beautiful scenery was great fun.

Things I don't get

The other day I was listening to the radio, and the presenters were having a conversation about things they don't get that most people do. You know, the stuff that everyone seems to be into that you just aren't, or the book that others rave about that you found a little mediocre. So, I decided to compile my own list, and am interested in whether any of you also don't like these things, and what would be on your list.

Things I don't get that most other people seem to:

1. Milk. I have never liked milk - the last time I drunk it in 1998 when I was living in Italy and didn't know enough Italian to say "I would rather exfoliate my eyeballs than drink that putrid muck."

2. ABBA. It's not like I dislike ABBA, I've just never really been a fan.

3. Any rugby that doesn't involve the All Blacks. Provincial rugby feels like watching the more recent Big Brothers - you know you haven't seen these exact people at it before, and a new person can win each time, but it really doesn't seem that different.

4. Jane Eyre. I just didn't find it that good.

5. Milk chocolate. I love chocolate that covers marshmallow or has a tasty centre, I've just never really got milk chocolate.

6. Cooking. It's like the more effort put in, the less pleasure I am likely to get out eating it. When deciding between an hour for cooking an excellent meal vs 30 mins cooking an alright meal, the latter usually wins unless I am trying to impress somebody or am having an especially boring day.

Do you have any?

The past year in numbers

As of last weekend, Tane and I have been away from New Zealand for ONE year. This is the past year in numbers:

NINETY FOUR: The number of bites counted on Tane in Bergama, Turkey.

TWENTY SEVEN: The number of flights we have been on.

TWENTY: The number of countries we have visited in the past year - Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, United Arab Emirates, Austria, United Kingdom, Turkey, Bulgaria, Greece, Ireland, Belgium, Portugal (Lauren only), Germany, Luxembourg, Hungary, The Netherlands, Czech Republic, France, Poland, Egypt, Slovakia (Tane only).

Lost on the very first day of our trip in Hanoi, Vietnam

FIFTEEN: New country patches Tane has been able to sew on his backpack.

THIRTEEN: Airlines that we have flown.

TWELVE: Day trips we have done from London.

Arundel - a lovely day trip AND a castle!

TWELVE: Castles we have seen.

ELEVEN: Guide books and phrase books we own.

TEN: The number of war-related sites we have seen. Sounds kinda geeky when you put it like that ...

NINE: Months we have been settled in London.

EIGHT: The number of pairs of shoes we have bought. I refuse to say how many pairs were mine as opposed to Tane's ...

SEVEN: Countries in continental Western Europe Lauren has yet to see (Spain, Andorra, Liechtenstein, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, Finland).

Luxembourg: one of the smaller and prettier places we've seen

SIX: Times we have been on the lovely Eurostar.

FIVE: Foxes Ngaire and Tane spotted the other evening.

FOUR: Incidents of Delhi Belly. Although none of these have strictly occured in Delhi but you get the picture ...

THREE: Species of beast we have ridden - donkey, camel and elephant.TWO: People that are slightly ashamed of the size of their carbon footprint.

ONE: House deposit we could have afforded had we stayed home and spent all that money on a house instead. But then, we wouldn't have had half as much fun.

Why aren't we going to New Plymouth?

For those of you on Facebook, you'll be familiar with the "Cities I've visited" function. This is one of my favourite parts of Facebook, as it allows you to map places you've visited all over the world. The other day Tane and I were having a look and discovered that you can see the top 20 places that my Facebook friends have been, as well as the top 20 places all users of Facebook worldwide have been. I know that this is not exactly a great sample group as Facebook users are more likely to be English speaking and under 35 than any other demographic group, but taking that into consideration the top 20 destinations were:

	Where my friends have been	Where Facebook users have been
1	Auckland	London
2	London	Paris
3	Wellington	New York
4	Paris	Orlando
5	Sydney	Amsterdam
6	Christchurch	LA
7	Rotorua	Rome
8	Amsterdam	Las Vegas
9	Melbourne	San Francisco
10	Taupo	Barcelona
11	Florence	Washington DC
12	Rome	Venice
13	LA	Chicago
14	Hamilton	Toronto
15	Napier	Florence
16	Prague	San Diego
17	Singapore	Miami Beach
18	Venice	Boston
19	Vienna	Brussels
20	Barcelona	Berlin

Tane and I have been to 9 of the top places Facebook users have been, and of the list of where my friends have been I have been to 17 of them, and Tane 15.

The thing that struck me the most about these lists was the fact that in the list of places my friends have been so many NZ destinations were much lower in the list than European cities. What's that about? Why have so many Kiwis visited London, Rome, Prague, Vienna, and Amsterdam when they haven't even been to New Plymouth? Not to mention Dunedin, Palmerston North and Nelson. And how on earth did Hamilton get to number 14? Was bribery involved?

Travel around the world is fabulous because you experience so much variety. Travel around NZ, though, is great as well as you see variety within your own country. In many ways small NZ towns like Ruatoria, Murupara and Te Kao have given me more of an insight into a different way of life than Paris, Rome or any other European city that is crawling with tourists. Is it because of cultural cringe that Kiwis travel around Europe but not NZ? Or is it because they think NZ is boring? I have mentioned this list to a few NZers in the last little while, and at least three of them blinked at me before saying "Um ... I've never been to New Plymouth."

How many of the cities on the lists have you been to? Have YOU been to New Plymouth? If not, why not?

7 reasons why Germany is wunderbar

Last week, we joined Stephen and Sarah for a trip to Germany. Although Tane has seen an impressive amount of Germany, it was my first taste of a country that I have learnt a lot about over the years. In spite of the weather being cold and wet, it was a great holiday. Wunderbar, even, for these seven reasons:

1. Delicious, rich, fatty, filling food

Wurst!

Strudel!

Buns shaped like pigs!

2. Very cool churches

We based ourselves in Cologne, home of one of the most stunning cathedrals in the entire world. It was jaw-dropping, a structure that can only be described using corny cliches. To give you an idea of it's size, we were unable to fit the church into a single photograph so have at least a dozen photos of parts of the Cathedral, none of which actually do it justice. The one above is the best we could do without scaling the rooves of buildings and what-not. Luckily the very sweet and pictureque Aachen cathedral fitted nicely into a single shot.

3. Bones of very old people inside the churches

In Cologne, we saw a massive gold box that is supposed to be filled with the bones of the Three Magi, or the Three Wise Men. Even if it was a dirty scam, at the very least the bones were of three people from at least 1000 years ago. This was of particular interest to me as last year I read a Da Vinci Code-esque book about these bones. Fortunately there was no exploding communion bread as in the book, although that would have been very exciting. We also saw a box containing the bones of Charlemagne in the Aachen cathedral.

4. The Rhine

I thought it was cool, although Stephen and Sarah agreed that the Rhine looked like the Waikato and that Cologne reminded them of Huntly. Whatever. How could anywhere you can buy buns shaped like pigs remind you of Huntly, I say.

5. Beer Halls
6. Beethoven

We went to the very lovely city of Bonn, home of Beethoven. Everything was closed as it was New Year's day, but we were able to see the outside of his house at least.We were also able to see a very serious-looking statue of Beethoven, which was just begging for a "spirit fingers" moment.

7. Seeing places that bring history alive

A more sombre part of our trip was a visit to the building in Cologne that housed the Gestapo during World War Two and has since been turned into a museum, El-De Haus. Much of the museum was in German, but the language barrier didn't matter when we ventured into the cells below the building where prisoners were kept. Here we saw the messages and notes that prisoners wrote on the walls before being moved elsewhere. This one below was especially harrowing.

Reading about the atrocities that occurred during World War Two is one thing, but seeing evidence of it is a whole different story. For that reason, it was a real experience to visit somewhere that brought this history to life.

In summary, Germany was wunderbar. I don't know if I'll visit the industrial heartland of West Germany again, but certainly look forward to seeing more of the country in the future. Yay!

10 Movies that are better than the books

In the last couple of weeks, I have both read the book Atonement and seen the movie. As to be expected, the book was far, far better. I mean, that's the way it usually is, books are generally like drinking a smoothie as opposed to cordial made from a packet. Tane and I were talking the other night, though, about books which are worse than the movies, movies that are the smoothie to the powdered cordial of the book. This is my list:

1. Brokeback Mountain. The movie was fabulous, and captured the relationship between the two men far better than the book. The book didn't have me thinking "I can't quit you!" (A random aside - is it just me that looks twice at the guys in the Speights ads now?)

2. Once Were Warriors. Alan Duff cannot write. The movie was good, but I would rather poke nails through my eyelids than read anything else written by that man.

3. Zodiac. I loved the movie, but found that in the book the author was too busy telling the story of himself being fantastic to hold my interest.

4. The English Patient. The movie was beautiful. The book was good, but also quite pretentious, at times so over-written I wanted to vomit in my own mouth, and much clumsier in its execution than the movie. Apparently, the book is 'post-colonialism', which explains why it is the way it is. I don't care. Putting an 'ism' on the end of a phrase doesn't necessarily make the book in question a great book. Sometimes I wonder if people are scared to criticise pretentious writing as they fear looking stupid, like they didn't "get" it, when all we need is the little child to yell "but the Emperor is wearing no clothes!"

5. Children of Men. They were both flawed, but the way P.D. James painted the world inhabited by the characters was not as strong as that shown in the movie. I also preferred the adapted plot in the movie.

6. The Constant Gardener. The book was good, but the movie had a heart and soul to it that the book lacked. I empathised with the characters in the movie far more than in the book, and got much more emotionally involved.

7. The Three Musketeers. At least I could finish the movie. The book still sits on our bedside table with a book mark permanently living about half way through.

8. Forest Gump. The book really disappointed me on account of being wayyyy too random.

9. The Joy Luck Club. While the book is lovely, the movie is more coherent and, as a result, better.

10. Clueless / Emma. This was a left field adaption, but I just got more pleasure from Clueless than I did from Emma. Maybe it was because Emma didn't carry a phone that looked like a brick. Heh.

Some other people have come up with a few more that I can't comment on as haven't read the books, but thought I'd post anyway. Namely Sense and Sensibility, Whale Rider, The Pianist, and Bladerunner/Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. Disagree? Got more to add?

5 Reasons why cone hats are the new black

After buying a cone hat during a trip to the Vietnamese countryside today, I have decided that they are the new black for the following 5 reasons:

1. It cost 10,000 dong. Don't be fooled by the zeros, that in fact works out to be less than $1. Here is me happily posing in my new cone hat.

2. They are specially designed for keeping you cool. Given the heat today I would not have such a cheesy smile on my face if I wasn't wearing my new cone hat. I now understand why the workers in the rice paddocks wear them.

3. Cool people wear them. Like this lady, who took us for a trip in her boat. She is so cool she can even row with her feet. Respect.

4. Girl power! Only women wear them. Tane is smiling to hide the pain that he is the only one not wearing the must-have garment of the Vietnam summer. Although, the little woman liked Tane after I reassured her that he did not beat me.

5. You are less likely to be nagged at street stalls when wearing one. When asked to buy things, all you need do is tap the cone hat as if to say 'bought my one nick-nack for today, sorry!' Perfect.
Yay cone hats! Get yours at a nagging street seller near you.

Top memories of the last few years

1. Getting hitched with Lauren. How could the civil union not be No.1? This morning I looked at the photos for the zillionth time, and that giant, dorky smile still comes over my face. Family, friends, making the most important commitment of my life to the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and so much great food. Happy happy, joy joy.
2. The fire at Morrinsville. Last year, I saw a man banging his fist against the wall of a blackened house. His dead baby was inside. There were scores of people standing around, but his swearing was the only thing breaking the silence.
3. Walking out onto the edge of Panekiri Bluff. All that trudging up hill was worth it for the stunning view of Waikaremoana.
4. Caving at Waitomo. Abseiling into the depths, floating on tubs, looking up at glow worms, walking through steams in absolute darkness, struggling up waterfalls with Chris. Deeply satisfying.
5. Lauren locking the keys in The Rambler. Whanarua Bay, the first beautiful day of our trip around the East Cape. "Tane … I’ve done something stupid …" Thank goodness Mr Random Mechanic, probably the only one for 50km, lived within a 20 minute walk.
6. Floating over Hamilton in a hot air balloon. Everyone should do it. Both calming and exhilarating.
7. Getting our ancestry visas for the UK in the mail. I was giddy with relief. Thank you, blog, for proving our relationship!
8. The Dragoween Party. Dressing up a Lauren – complete with wig and chest enhancements – then not being able to find a park near our flat. I had to walk the streets of Brooklyn in high heeled boots and a skirt. Fortunately, everyone was watching Guy Fawkes.
9. Dancing to Goldenhorse at Bar Bodega in Wellington. Lauren and I doing ceroc to ‘Godlen Dawn’. We were so hot.
10. Iggy Pop going mental at The Big Day Out 2005. My god, that man would be amazing if he was a third his age.
11. The Rolling Stones in concert. See above, and change ‘man’ to ‘men’.
12. Hosting the Ministry of Research, Science and Technology’s James Bond – themed ‘Buwaldadash’ social. Thanks, Jinx and the team.
13. Finally getting my drivers’ license. ‘You did a few things wrong …. But you have passed.’ That was one heavy monkey sitting on my back.
14. The Tongariro Crossing. Like walking across an alien world.
15. Sitting beside the Waikato River with Lauren on a beautiful day, watching time go by.
16. Chris and Mel’s wedding. Perfect weather, great company, a meal to die for.
17. The walk to Pencarrow Head, at the Wellington Harbour Mouth. What a gorgeous country.

So long, New Zealand. See you soon.

8 things I've learnt while travelling

As Tane and I prepare to embark on our trip, I have been giving some thought to how much you can learn while travelling, and lessons I have learnt on previous trips. The ones that spring most instantly to mind are:

1. Do not read underneath coconut trees

When I was in Tonga, I spent much of my time there reading underneath coconut trees. While under the trees, I felt like my holiday was everything a Pacific Island holiday ought to be ... until a coconut fell from the tree I was reading underneath. Lucky for me it landed about half a metre away, but the thud the coconut made when it hit the ground was sufficient for me to quickly realise how bad it could have been if my head had broken its fall.

2. Be careful to use the correct words when speaking a foreign language

While living in Italy I muddled the words for "happy" and "easy". I only realised my mistake after meaning to announce that I was happy to some Italians and all of a sudden a lot of the young guys wanted to be my friend (or so I thought).

3. Don't use a swearword unless you understand the severity of them

Swearwords in other languages can sound like gibberish, and lack the recoil factor bad words in your own language have. I will never forget the look on my history teacher's face in Italy when I used a word that I thought was the Italian equivalent of "damn".

4. Getting lost can be fun

Even if it leads to extreme stress and frustration, you can find the coolest things that no Lonely Planet will ever write about.

5. Don't assume that you speak the same language as other English speakers

I got yelled at once while waitressing in the USA for not fetching someone a "slide", and when I looked confused the yeller screeched (all the while resembling an over-ripe tomato) "Don't you SPEAK English? A SLIDE!" I had no idea that she was talking about saucers.

6. Be prepared to stand out

You don't have to stray far from the tourist track to be as strange to the locals as a three-headed martian. Even in Tonga where I thought plenty of Kiwis went I got followed down the street by a little boy yelling "hello, palangi!"

7. Never, ever, mime "straw"

Trust me on this one. I am lucky I wasn't arrested.

8. Don't pretend you know more Maori than you do

Maybe I am the Grinch who stole national identity, but I get frustrated when NZers who know very little Maori "teach" poor unsuspecting foreigners, or misusing and misspelling Maori words while showing off. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great to spread the use of Te Reo. But, before doing so, it’s important to ensure you get the meaning of the words correct. For example, Kia Ora means more than “hello”. I also get frustrated with Kiwis pretending while travelling that singing waiata is part of our way of life when all they know is "Te Aroha" and the main verse of "Pokarekare ana”. It's great to speak Maori and sing waiata while travelling, just be careful not to put Maoritanga on like a pounamu that gets worn while overseas but discarded into the bottom of a drawer as soon as you get home.

Anyone else got any good tips to add?